Two of my students recently came in to talk with me. Each girl was huffy from the weekend, and I soon found out why.
One of their friends was dating a boy. They had been texting, talking, flirting, etc. Yet these friends felt he was treating her wrong. He toyed with her emotions and flirted with other girls as well. He had been stringing her along and felt no remorse for it. The thing of it was though, this girl didn’t see it. She was blinded by his charm and magnetic demeanor.
But their friend was still blind to the truth.
These girls came in saying “I’m done. I can no longer give her advice. I will love her, but I just can’t. She’s not listening when she asks for help.”
I’ve seen this friend at lunch. She is morose, lethargic, and overall not her normal self.
This drama made me indignant. How DARE this boy treat her this way. This sweet, precious daughter of God was being thrown around like she was a piece of trash. She’s being strung along as if she is the least important thing in this world to him, except for when it is convenient for him.
And then, I stopped.
I stopped, and my jaw dropped open. This 8th grade drama…is a direct parallel to my life right now.
I know you’re hoping that I’ll say I’m one of the friends advising the ignorant girl in this situation. That I have pride in myself and how others treat me. That I clearly see that the boy, yes I said boy, is clearly not interested in anything more than having a convenient girl at his side.
Yet…you would be wrong. I am the girl. I am the pathetic girl hoping for more. The girl that comes up with excuses about his character when I should be overflowing with compliments about him. The girl that has to hide certain qualities of the relationship, and I use that term loosely, because it would be shameful for others to know. The girl that KNOWS deep down that she deserves more, but just has a hard time accepting it.
Yet as women, I feel like we many times have a hard time seeing what “bad” is for us. He doesn’t beat me, or cuss at me, or really even treat me “bad” at all. He compliments me, spends time with me, pays for things if we go out, and we just click.
…but that doesn’t mean he’s treating you “good.”
So as a fellow girl, a little farther along in life, who is still struggling, here is my advice to the “girl”:
You, my dear girl, are a treasure. You are something to be valued. You deserve God’s best for you. No matter what you have done, or where you have been, you will always deserve His best. He has nothing less to give you. We sometimes accept things that are less, it’s hard not too. It is in our human nature, as a woman, to think we don’t deserve more. We as women many times scramble for the least amount of attention that is thrown our way. But let me tell you dear girl, you deserve much, much more than a scrap of attention. You deserve the full blown attention of a man that puts God above all else, and then seeks your heart for the rest of his life. So my advice to you, and to myself, (the advice that I have heard all my life), is to not settle for less. Take your heart off your sleeve and have some dignity.
And now, a note to the friends:
Sweet, sweet friends. Stay where you are. She is frustrating, troublesome, vexing, and worth it. When all said and done, she will thank you with all her heart. You will never know a truer friend than her. Right now she is clearly not guarding her heart, and needs you to. Stay with it, stick by her side. You are needed.